letting go and eva jean

for many years now i have wished for a best friend that i could have for years and years.

let me tell you a story about a friendship like that. when my grandma was in high school she had a friend named eva jean. they were best friends through high school and after graduation moved to flordia together. in flordia they met two men and got married. turns out this was the man of eva jeans dreams because they stayed married for the rest of their lives. my grandma on the other hand was not quite satisfied and moved back home. it was here she met a handsome army man and of course fell in love. my grandma moved up to new york with her new husband and started a family. eva jean visited her in new york. she was still involved with my grandma's life even though they did not live in the same state. still best friends. my grandma and grandpa moved back to tennessee. and eva jean and her husband were also here. so over the years there were children born and different life events. and they still remained best friends. just last week eva jean passed away. my grandma and her remained friends up until that very day.

i want a friend like that.

in my life i have had friendships that only last for a short season. wonderful friendships. the deep and meaningful kind. and recently one of my dearest friendships has faced many trials. i felt led to let go a little, for i have the tendency of holding on too tight. i think one of the hardest things is to let go.

i had to let go of this friendship. put it in her hands. over the last few weeks i have taken a very hands off approach in order to fix somethings. and am facing the fact that sometimes things don't work out. and it hurts... all the memories... it is fading away i am afraid.

and yet, i must remain confident. i must keep my faith that whatever is supposed to happen will and it will be for the best... even if that means losing my bestest.

and maybe she will be my eva jean. or maybe not. and i have to be ok with whatever the outcome will be. and whatever the outcome may be, God will always be my eva jean. and for that, i am thankful.