church.

ever since nathan and i decided to search for a new church we frequently get asked, told , informed etc. about how we need to go back to church. all for different reasons-- fellowship, growth, or just you should go because that is what christians do....

now, i am a christian. and i am very passionate about what i believe and about God. i am blessed far beyond what i deserve. but, i am not one of those christians that will just sit in a high chair and get spoon fed and accept it. i feel like as christians, we should not become complacent in our relationship with God or in our churches. too many people just accept things for just being mediocre and never strive for anything better. they never look outside their box and question. they speak of not wanting to be like the pharisees but yet they are almost mirror images of them. these people cannot think for themselves, they get fed an idea and go with it. i think authenticity is lacking in most of the churches today. and even the word 'church' comes with soooo much preconceived ideas. structure. rituals. rules. judgement. it is stagnant. and even just being a 'christian' comes along with a checklist of preconceived ideas. carries a bible: check. talks about the bible all the time: check. sings and raises hands during worship: check. goes to church camp: check. quotes scripture on social networking sites in status: check. prays using the following words; Lord, Almighty, Kingdom, Bless, Mighty: check. and so on. it is ridiculous. how is that being authentic? how is that NOT being lukewarm? you know, to be honest, part of me doesn't want to go back to a church like this because i don't want to be like a sheep and fall into this dangerous pattern. i love being able to really search for the truth about who God is and how He wants me to live my life. i don't want to be tied down by all the religious stuff that comes along with being a christian. i want to be a Christ follower. and i am not trying to say i have all the answers because i definitely do not. i am still learning everyday and realizing everyday how very insignificant i am. it truly is not about us at all. and i think most of the time church isn't for God, but for us. and i think that is where it has all gone wrong.

questioning is what brings change. and i think it is time for a change in the church.

1,2,3 BANG

last night i was browsing craigslist as i often do. i like to see what other photographers are doing and browse to see if there are any good gigs.... oh, and maybe look to see if there are any exceptionally adorably animals....

well, i stumbled across this one posting by photographer. the last line read, "i look forward to shooting you".

i certainly am NOT looking forward to that.

january memories

four years. wow. thankfully, along the way it has gotten easier. but i never forget.

and on this day, i like to go there. take a rose. and stand. and think. remember. that was taken away from me today. and for that i am bitter. stupid lady that likes to take advantage of my kindness. stupid smyrna for being so far away.

on a less depressing note, i have been doing a lot of thinking lately. about life and such- the usual. though, i suppose my thoughts actually may not be that much less depressing... they are productive i guess...

i wish some people had more self control. and respect. and love. somethings are not easy. somethings are worth fighting for. worth waiting for. people, especially those that you care deeply about deserve that deep love and respect. they deserve to be cherished. and some of those people's actions show complete disrespect among other hurtful things.

and i think it is stupid when people assume because you are married, that you would not wish to go out and have fun... like for say at a party or whatever. yeah, i may not like to drink... but i still like to have fun. so, i am a 20 something that just so happens to be married. but i am still a 20 something girl that likes to have fun.

i wish i could stand up for myself. be bold. not get taken advantage of. if i could do that... i would be in smyrna now. oh well....

wow, what a bunch of negatives. i promise more positives next time, friends (or friend, or computer. i don't even know if anyone reads this...)

big steps

so my neighbor has loud dogs and a loud friend. not cool. this makes my normally quiet dog bark. and is not cool for my attepmt to have a quiet night...

enough complaining...

today i took a really big step for me. it is something i have been wanting to do for a while and for different reasons have not been able until now. i am excited and nervous all at the same time. however, i definitely think this will be wonderful for me. it is something i have needed to do forever.

so here's to a positive change in my life!!!

weddings, showers, and murfreesboro

mufreesboro finally got cool the second we left it. stupid murfreesboro. you have an olive garden (FINALLY!), a new mall that actually looks nice, a petco (where the pets go of course) AND crappy old symrna has a freakin' super target. seriously. i live in nashville and there is no super target to be found. i would go to you, super target. but you went to symrna. unwise choice i say.

but as much as i hate murfreesboro, i secretly love it. it is that sneeky little charm if you remember right...

i think it is interesting how people change. people who used to be mean are now nice and those that you thought you could rely on seem to always be absent. i think it is interesting the type of lives people choose to live. how some choose to walk away from those that are loyal and others realize the blessing they have those type of friends.

i think it is even more interesting how a lot of this stems from one's own insecurities within themselves. they attach themselves to others to feel more secure. and then there are those people that are overly secure but are actually extrememly insecure.

i wish we could all just be ourselves and be comfortable with that. i am speaking for myself as well...

i feel like i have so much more to say... but will refrain. i will be back in stupid murfreesboro again tomorrow. i think it is saying to me, 'you shouldn't have moved, sucka'. apparently it has a thuggish side now...