a tale of two choices

the school year is almost over where i work. we are busy with school plays and other end of the year events. i can't believe it was just 8 months ago that we started. time has flown by and i have enjoyed every moment. i am still thankful for this job everyday. it is so nice to love going to work. 

now, 8 months later, i am stuck in the middle of two great choices for next year. a decision that i am dreading to make. i can stay at my work and have a new position or i can go with michael to kindergarten as his private aide. 

st. george's has truly been great to me. my director is the best boss i have ever had. she is a great leader and empowers her employees to be the best they can be. there is a relaxed environment due to the bar of excellence in place that people actually strive for. there are wonderful teachers there that have become my friends. it is the kind of school i always wanted to work at. 

but we have michael. i adore michael more than i could ever begin to express to you. he has brought my heart great joy over the past 8 months. even when his behavior is not great i still love working with him. he, a 7 year old child, has become my best friend. he's my lil buddy. i love to see him grow socially and academically. sometimes i get discouraged, but then he just calls out "mrs. moore" in the most precious voice and comes running and gives me the biggest hug. his compliments to me are the best i have ever received. coming from him, i know they must be true. michael loves unconditionally and he encourages me to be like him. a heart so innocent and loving. he is great. 

so, a choice between two of the things i love. each with new responsibilities and challenges, but also with great joy. so what do i do? i have no idea... 

but i do know, that LOST is coming back on tonight. get excited! i know i am!!!

a new earth?

so many of you probably have already heard about oprah's new "church" (as people call it). i have already seen quite a few facebook groups about stopping it and so on... and one even calling her the "anti-christ". youtube videos of course have been made, and i am sure there have been protest outside her studio. 

i joined her website and decided to see these lessons for myself. i looked at the message boards to see people's favorite quotes from the book, like, "man made God in his own image". and upon doing further research, it would appear that oprah believes in a god, just not that Jesus is the only way among other solid Christian truths. *gasp* <-sarcasm

ok. so, oprah is not a christian. there are a lot of people in the media and average people that are not christians. american does not = christianity happy land... the land where christians frolic about merrily. america is spiritually starving like the rest of the world. 

i don't think we should be so quick to get offended when people don't believe the same thing as we do. they believe that what their beliefs are true the same way we know what we believe is the Truth. our job is not to get our unders in a wad, but to pray. pray pray pray. and speak the truth gently. 

in my opinion, by being offended and judgmental, we further put gaps between us and nonbelievers. i think it turns people away from christianity. Jesus' message was love. He went to those hurting, broken, lost and sinful people. He showed them unconditional love, kindness, gentleness, and the Truth. and as Christ followers that is our job too. 

a woman's ways

today i revisited proverbs 31:10-31. for most christian women, this is the type of woman we strive to be. i definitely think it is a good guideline to follow-- to be a woman for fears, loves and serves God. 

i believe because of our culture most women stray away from being this type of woman. i think after being bombarded by movies and television about affairs, revenge, hatred, deceit, and promiscuity women begin to pick up those traits. isn't it easy to do? you see a girl get the super cute guy by luring him in despite the fact that he is with another girl. at the end of the day she gets what she wants. and that is what we want right? to have our way? a woman's ways can be deceitful and cunning with friendships, at work, in our relationships. we manipulate those around us to get our way. like the girl in the movie trying to win over a guy that is in a relationship... she can seem innocent--posing as a "friend"-- slowly reeling him in... and BAM, she has him right where she wants him. 

have you ever seen "the last kiss"? the girl in the movie started out having an "innocent" conversation with michael. he probably didn't think much of it... just a friendly girl. but later he becomes more vulnerable and the girl has her opportunity. nevermind he is with someone else, she wanted him and she got him... if only for a short time. she still destroyed their relationship. trust was broken. 

we each have a role in relationships, whether friends, girlfriend, or wife. we need to help guard our hearts and help the men guard their hearts and eyes. especially their eyes. we need to be aware of our clothing choices and our behavior. men are visual creatures and we NEED to respect that. as godly women we should be aware of satan's games. be aware of the boundaries of other people's relationships if you are single and if you are married. once you cross that boundary it is hard to get back over... it is hard to repair the damage made. there comes a point when it is no longer acceptable for a single woman to have private conversations with a married man. as well as a married woman to talk to single men. you have to be conscience of how this will affect your heart, the other person's heart, and their spouse if they are married. what are your intentions if you speak to a married person without their spouse's knowledge? we all know that is not healthy. you are not guarding your heart, theirs or the spouse's. if you were the unaware spouse you would feel betrayed and threatened. it is selfish to not consider these things. 

"above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your eyes directly before you. make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. do not serve to the right or to the left; keep your foot from evil."... "charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised"

*edit* and for those of you that may think i'm just picking on the girls, i'm not. once i feel compelled there will probably be one about the men too. fact is we all fall short and we should strive to be much more than we are. my goal in writing this is to show what i see happening in attempts to spread the Truth about how God calls us to be.*

the bleeding heart.

as humans, i believe we naturally pretend we have it all together.  we are constantly trying to prove our security to others and ... falsely to ourselves. truth is, we aren't secure. we don't have it all together. 

the truth is, we are hurting. we are wounded. we are broken. 

as christians we are taught to help carry each others burdens. sadly, often times this does not happen. fear takes hold and we feel alone in our trials. speaking for myself, i imagine most people think i have it together for the most part. but, honestly, most the time i want to cry out and say "i am NOT ok". because, i am not. i am hurting. i am wounded. i need a friend. i need healing. 

Jesus carries our burdens. and we, as christians, are supposed to be Christlike. and we SHOULD help carry our brothers and sisters burdens. we should be able to open up, pour out our hearts. and together find healing and freedom. 

just some random thoughts from a hurting heart... 

how are YOU?

i love watching people interact with each other. sometimes i am quiet because i am observing. and i like that. in my observations, i have realized just how fake some people are. and unfortunately, most of the people i have been around and observed this behavior from are christians. 

so, i am blunt. but, it is the truth. 

and this is surprising to me. we are taught to be authentic and loving and to be like Christ, but yet somewhere along our journey we started skimming the surface. we never took that plunge into the deep waters. 

i have been away from my hometown for a few months now. and it is always interesting to run into people from there. i love the awkward "how are you" conversations. the ones where you can tell that person doesn't really care to know. i would almost rather have them not ask instead of being fake about it. just be yourself. if you don't like me, fine. don't pretend to care. 

in times like that i try to imagine what it was like to run into Jesus. [not trying to be cheesy here, keep following me] i can only imagine the look in His eyes when He would ask, "How are you?". It would truly be from His heart. 

and isn't that how we should be? loving for the sake of loving? not loving because that person did something for you, or you did something for them. not because they drive a bmw or wear the cutest clothes. not because the prove to you how christian they are... but because of love. because God loved us first and we should in turn love Him and others. that same compassion you feel for the hurting children in Africa you should feel for the person standing next to you in the line at the gas station. 

take a dive into the deep end, friends. it is refreshing. 

truth and lies

i have been thinking lately about how easy it is to believe lies. if we are honest, each of us believes some sort of lie. whether it be something about ourselves, others, our actions, or life.  

satan has his way of finding that hole in your heart, doesn't he? you know, that void that you try to fill with so many useless things? he preys on our weaknesses. he knows when we are struggling with different trials and he knows when we are at our weakest points. and then he just steps right on up and starts whispering lies right into our hearts. 

for me, i struggle deeply with insecurity. it takes me listening to one negative thought and i am believing lies. i believe i am not good enough, a failure... blah blah blah. that lie will take over my thoughts and it is hard to control it once it does. because lies can be powerful if you don't know how to use the right tools to fight them off. lies can have a stronghold, but truth can set you free. 

i am sure most girls can understand those type of feelings... but i have compassion on our men. men have to deal with tremendous lies. lies about women and lust. and it angers me to see the strongholds satan can get on these men. reading different books, hearing different pastors and such, i believe this is a huge problem with christian men today. being visual creatures, they are bombarded with sexual images daily. i bet they get exhausted trying to bounce their eyes and thoughts from the constant messages about sex. i can't imagine how hard that must be for them. and it really really makes me mad how accessible porn is on the internet. can't you just see how easy it is for these men to start believing lies when it is so easy and everywhere they turn. a man maybe lonely... and here comes satan, knowing that void in his heart, and says, "its not that big of a deal, you are just looking, it is natural". sure, it's kinda like eating a sandwich, right? you are hungry so you eat. no harm in that. but, then next time you have to eat more and more and more, until eventually you are overweight and extremely unhealthy. that may have been a bad example, but you get my point. it is damaging. it is not natural. i don't believe that is something that God intended for a godly man. it is not pure. imagine what that will do down the road when that guy is married?! those images will be in his head. how unfair for his wife! imagine her insecurity. the truth about lies is that they are easy to believe because they make us feel better... they justify our selfish desires and separate us further from God and the truth that will set us free. 

truth will set you free. speaking for myself, if i could try to imagine how much better my life would be if only i believed the truth about who i am in christ. i would be more confident... more ready for what God may have. but it is a hard road to stop believing lies. it is a constant choice. to say, "nope, that is a lie. i won't believe that". but in order to live the type of life God intended... one of freedom, we have to. we have to choose truth. 

whew. finally i have managed to catch a break... that will probably last just a few. lately, i have been busy with doctor's appointments, working, and trying to manage being a good wife and friend. 

when you are married it is not always all sunshine and rainbows. and i can tell you that my husband would agree like 200%. trying to manage bills, payments, work, chores, blah blah blah, and still manage to be a pleasant husband or wife at the end of the day. it takes some major work. 

a lot of young couples recently engaged or entering marriage sometimes have a false sense of what marriage is. and i was included in that group. i was quite naive. the fact is that in order to have a great marriage you have to fight for it. life has it's way of weighing us down. and you have to push through all those things and at the end of the day you have to chose to love your spouse and chose to continue to make your marriage great. nobody is perfect. and i can be the first to tell you i am soooo far from perfect. i have been through a lot--- been hurt and am currently in the process of healing. i am not the most pleasant person to be around probably like 95% of the time. haha. but, because of that i have to work harder than i ever have before because of that choice to make my marriage the very best it can be. and for me, my choice is easy to love my adoring husband, but i bet his choice is harder. but he does anyway, despite...well, despite me.  it has been almost two years and we have been through a lot... and if life proves me right, there will be more trials and more joys along the way. 

i am so in love with nathan. he truly has been wonderful to me and i am thankful that he is my best friend and husband. i am thankful for the trials and the joys. i am thankful God has helped us along the way and has made our marriage wonderful. 

hope you all have a wonderful night!