buh bye blogger.

i am blogging on my domain now, friends. hope to see ya there! 

snow day. i needed thee.

snow day tomorrow = happiness. 

everything else = kinda blah. 

the migraines are not going away. i am on two preventatives now and a RX to take if/when i get one. sometimes i think it would be better just to yank my head off... however that would be my demise. 

christmas has crept... no, sprang upon me with great force. 2 weeks until the day and i have purchased one gift. 

as much as i love taking pictures, sometimes i am just no so certain about this photography business thing. i just feel so inadequate. blah blah BLAH! where did my photography confidence  go? i say the grinch stole it...

speaking of which... i don't get to watch that with the special ones tomorrow due to school being out... let me weigh what is better and what i can live without. done. 

i think i am going to go read some more of new moon... which is really quite depressing... i am just hopeful for edward's return. it has to come. :-)

and i think i am done ranting now. thanks. bye. 

a list...

because there is no time for something lengthy. 

* i am exhausted.

* i can't put twilight down. this morning i said i would just read one more page... yeah right. 

            [twilight reading schedule today:

                                      6:25-6:50 read "one more" page

                                      10:30-11:15 read lots more

                                      12:15-12:45 read more

                                      3:00-3:15 read more.. and sadly put it away to go home. i could of sat at school for another hour completely  engulfed. ]

* i have so many pictures to edit. and twilight isn't helping that. ;-)

* i am feeling  a bit discouraged about my photography. i know several people starting out their photography businesses and they are amazing. i feel as though i just can't compete... 

* sometimes, like today, i just don't feel special. and no amount of serotonin can help that. 

* my dog is weird. 

* mexican food or chocolate milk might make me slightly more happy. 

* i really need to get to work... 

growing up.

so, where exactly has november gone? and 2008 for that matter... this has been a crazy month. i can say that i am throughly looking forward to having next week off. 

i am getting extremely excited about thanksgiving this year, as i will be cooking my very first thanksgiving meal. i have already bought my turkey! i can't wait to start cooking next thursday and spend time with my family. i hope that it is a success :-) makes me feel so grown up! 

i think the theme of my life for the past few weeks has been just that... growing up. you know, being a big girl. i have been considering a big trip, the out of the country kind... and i have never been outside the US! i would have to fly all alone... so scary and yet so exciting! and i need to decide... like yesterday. but really... i do. growing up. 

and i thought i came to my decision last week. but then, i had a bit of an emergency situation. friday morning, i got a phone call that my precious little buddy was being taken to the ER. i felt pretty helpless and panicked as i drove to the hospital. when i arrived, he had regained consciousness and looked about pitiful in his oversized hospital gown. my heart broke to hear him cry in pain... as i cuddled him i knew that what i felt was similar to what a mother must feel in those situations. he is my best friend... my favorite 7 year old... and like a child to me. working with him everyday makes my heart just fall in love with him. he is great. and as i sat there with him all i wanted was to make him feel better. and now, he is back to being the fun loving michael... and i am ever so cautious with him... just like a mother ;-) ... growing up. 

saturday i have a wedding to shoot... it is almost 2 hours away. it will be a l-o-n-g day. and i better bring my good attitude. :-) having your own business= growing up. 

so. there you have it. here's to hoping sunday gets here fast. yay fall break! 

good ol' W.

i think that this is a great article. 

and i am definitely going to miss the humor bush brings me. the random dancing, squinty eyes, and how he amuses himself with his lil jokes in speeches. i would love to meet him. and have him make me laugh. he should be my grandpa. haha

that's all. 

just a little politics... dos

today the children in michael's kindergarten class had to choose what candidate they would vote for if they could. i found this humorous because i already assumed what the outcome would be. and wouldn't you believe it! that obama is just as popular among a group of 5 year olds! as soon as the teacher pulled out his picture all the children exclaimed, "barack obama"! wow. and like two kids were like, "john mccain" when his picture was shown. of course, most of this is due to who the parents are for in their homes. but... i find it startling that he is so popular among these children... just like he is in the rest of America. i am afraid it will be that way on election day as well. just going with the popular choice... all i can hope for is that they are all informed voters. but i digress...

a lot of people at work don't talk about who they are for. in our generation, i feel like that is a pretty open topic. on my facebook page i clearly display that i am for mccain. and i am ok with that. in 2004, i clearly displayed a "W" sticker on my car. i am proud and thankful to vote. and i am ok sharing my opinion about who i am voting for. in our generation, i feel that this need to keep that private is changing. and i think that can definitely be a good thing. i think having an opinion and sharing that opinion can help spread the desire to vote and inform people about this issues. i always enjoying hearing why someone has chosen to support a certain candidate. i think it is interesting. i also like sharing my opinion with others... in hopes i can shine some light on something that i feel is important and maybe they can see it too. i wish i could talk to people at work about the election, but they are all just so darn secretive about it! but i guess i can understand why they might not want to get into politics because of possible judgement or heated debates. but i say, let's be honest. it's just politics :-)

but... going back to the kids... and to brighten up what may be a dreadfully boring post... little michael chose obama. and i found this hysterical. ultra republican family... with the son that chose obama... it was clearly a peer pressure decision by ACORN (a coercing organization rallying nonsense) ;-)

just a little politics...

last night i watched the debate that took place here in nashville. i have been pretty interested in this election. i like to vote and i like to know what i am voting for. so, therefore, i try to watch the debates and do my research. 

i watched the debate on cnn last night. and if you did you probably noticed the graph at the bottom that was rating what the candidates based on the opinions of some undecided voters in ohio. 

after much thought about this, i decided that i did not like that. nor, did i think it was effective. it is only based on your emotional response... and really the debates are too. and then... after realizing that thought... i tried to think if the debates are effective. and, i think they are good... but, ultimately, both candidates are going to stretch the truth in order to get that emotional response and hopefully your vote. i think that they can be effective to give voters knowledge, but the responsibility to really find out what they stand for falls upon the voters. as viewers and voters, we can't rely upon the debates alone to give us useful knowledge about our candidates. 

which brings me to my next point... that you should be an informed voter! know what your voting for. it is so important to not go and just vote for who is the most popular... it is not all about personality! i think it is so important to know the issues, know what you stand for and pick the candidate that best aligns with what you think is best for our country. i also think it is important not to let emotions get in the way of picking a candidate... i don't want a leader that leads only based on emotions. i want someone that leads based on what is the logical and right thing to do. i also don't want the government meddling around in everything... this is a democracy not a socialist form of government... but that is for another day ;-)

so yeah. sorry for the rambling on politics. just had to put that out there.... 

if you are still undecided, i think that this can be helpful in making your choice. 

progress.

so. i have this really bad habit of comparing myself to others... pretty much in the most negative ways i can. in my head i am never quite enough. 

but today, friends. today, i saw something that i would normally start with the list of negatives... all adding up to me not being enough... but today, i thought to myself, "it's ok. i am me, and that's enough." couldn't even believe THAT thought entered my mind! 

FINALLY, i am realizing that is enough. i am me. and that's okay.... it's even special. yay! :-D [hehe]

a time for every season...

i guess times like this come every once in a while... 

times where you have been anticipating the end... dreading it... being naive about it... and finally it comes. it happens. and even though you knew it was coming it doesn't make it any easier. 

i am talking about lost. just kidding. that would be pretty funny though. :-) 

can i tell you a funny story? yesterday, this special friend, was pretending to stand at the sink with his back to me... la te da... and then he smacked me right on the butt. and i turned around and he just had this sly little grin on his face! haha and then i started laughing and Michael was like, "what's so funny?". haha i love Michael! he has been especially cute lately... we had a dance party in my car wednesday.... oh that... and he told me the baby in his belly was making his belly hurt! how cute is that child? he watches too many medical shows... 

ok. that is all. 

and so it is...

so... this is my second week working with Michael at Julia Green...

and somedays I think I am having a harder time adjusting than Michael...

and somedays, like today, I miss St. George's. I miss my boss, my friends, and most of all, a work environment that was amazing. 

but, I love Michael. and I would have missed him as well if I stayed at St. George's... I will adjust. I will make new friends (adult ones.. I have some children friends!). And Michael will continue to my buddy.

The Tale of Two Choices, Decision Part Dos

Finally, after many days of waiting by the phone, Metro called me. There wasn't much time to make a decision. It was a quick and to the point conversation. A 'do you accept?'... 'ok', here's what you need to do, type of conversation. So, I accepted. And have been busy trying to get everything completed. 

So. Then came the moment I dreaded. As I pulled up into St. George's parking lot my heart started pounding and my mind racing. I felt heavy as I walked inside. The few people that were there greeted me with smiles. My boss asked me if I was ready to start back and that is when I told her I needed to talk to her. I could see it all over her face right then. I started to cry of course. She was very understanding and very happy for both Michael and I. I am very sad to leave St. George's. It has been a wonderful place to work. And I wish I could be selfish and have both of the things I love, but I cannot. So, I chose Michael. And I am happy about that. I get to proceed with him to this next step in his education. I get to be there with him when he makes those huge first steps... I get to watch him grow academically and socially. I am thrilled that I get to spend my work day with my best friend. I am his Mr. Feeney and he doesn't even know it yet! I can't wait to see his face when school starts. And I am also excited to see some of the students from St. George's there. It will be scary and exciting all in one. 

It is funny how life works out sometimes. This time last year I was offered the position to be Michael's assistant. Now, a year later, I am still his assistant but in a different school. It is fun to be at this point in my life. 

So, thank you friends for the advice and prayers. Your thoughtfulness has been greatly appreciated. 

The Tale of Two Choices, Revisited.

Remember not too long ago when I was faced with a hard choice between two jobs-- Michael or St. George's? Remember how this choice was made for me? Well, friends, as of today, right now, I have the two choices again. And this time no choice will be made for me. This time it's for real and it has to be made now. 

This all happened very quickly, you see. Last month I saw a posting on craigslist about a child with special needs needing an educational assistant at a local public school here. The ad said the individual would need to be hired through METRO. Similar, to what I would have need to do, if METRO allowed me to go with Michael. I thought this was interesting and sent a link to Michael's mom. Just this week, Michael's mom emailed me about an interesting conversation she had with METRO. Turns out, they decided they could hire me to be Michael's private aide. I was prompted to fill out an application even if I just had a little interest in it. I filled it out, and today, I was informed METRO has decided to hire me for the position. So. Here I stand again. 

I adore Michael. I want to watch Michael grow up. 

St. George's is excellent. The best school I have ever worked at. 

If I go with METRO it could be a career choice. They have great educational opportunities, and not to mention higher pay and benefits. But, St. George's is familiar. Comfortable. I have friends and a wonderful boss. So new and unfamiliar versus comfortable. The love for my buddy vs my love for my work place. 

So, right now, I wish my husband wasn't in a meeting. Right now, I wish I had more time. But, right now, I must think and decided. Right now. 

The Boy Who Wears Red Shoes, A Photo Essay

So, with my goal in mind and my love for my little buddy, I have submitted a photo essay about Michael. You can vote for this as well... and it may get published in a future issue of JPG magazine. 

Thanks my friends! You guys rock!

[elizabeth, you should consider doing a photo essay. you do have a way with words!]

my little minions...

[current frustration]

what gives insurance companies the right to say whether or not something is right for you? if a doctor diagnosis a patient with a particular thing, sets a treatment plan, why is it ok for the insurance company to deny that?! if a doctor says a patient needs a certain drug, then cover it. medicine is expensive. and its not like the insurance companies are running out of money. if a patient needs something-- anything--- to get better, what is the freaking harm in giving them that treatment?!  

as you can tell, i am slightly angry with my insurance company at the moment...

but moving right along...

[in recent news]

i have been longing for new york, in the kind of way if i don't get there soon, i think i might just die. that's a little dramatic, but you get the point. when i am told to relax [by my minions of course], i picture myself in new york. listening to the sounds of the hectic city. weird thing to make me relax, but fact is, new york makes my heart beat faster. i love it. 

secondly, i am feeling like i can accomplish things again. finally. whew. took a while to get that part of me back. but, it has returned full force. i would like to announce that one day i will have a photograph published. maybe soon [vote please!] maybe later. but i will. i would also like to announce that i have made two interesting friends, one in L.A and one in France. one is a director and photographer, and the other is an aspiring photographer and computer engineer. i stepped out of my comfort zone to get to know them and learn more about photography. as my nathan says, it is good to have contacts [and not just the kind for your eyes]. so, thanks for always giving me a push to get myself out there. 

lastly, i will be able to enjoy the rest of the summer by sitting at home and relaxing. thank you st. george's kindergarten. i appreciate you having a school year calendar. 

so, dear minions, that is all for now. i promise to post something of value in the near future. thank you, come again. 

the [link] one more time. and while you vote, please make a favorite. thanks so much!

thank you to everyone who made my birthday special! it was great! 

this is quite a busy week for me, you can read about it here. i am looking forward to a vacation to gulf shores with the fam next week. yay for vacations! 

have a great night, friends!

happy birthday, L!

music is your soulmate

cutest commercial ever.

p.s i am gonna need to find one of those cute things. i gotta birthday on sunday ;-)

Lessons Learned; Part Uno

over the past several months i feel like i have learned a lot about me and the relationships i have with the people around me. i feel like i have grown a lot over these past several months. 

coming upon my birthday, i guess it is only natural for me to reflect back on the last year. 

i have seen many changes including moving to nashville and several career changes. finally found a job i love. and a little friend named michael. 

i have also seen some of my relationships for what they are. people close to me only needing me for things... and rarely needing me for, well me. i feel i have a lot to offer those relationships. and it has hurt realizing that, but i must take that knowledge and try to make it the best i can. i can be me. and i am starting to finally see that being me is ok. i may not feel "real" love from those people but that is all in learning where my real love does come from. Him and of course a 7 year old child that adores me... i think he really sees me for me. i love the innocent heart of a child that can love just for the sake of loving. 

and there is much more... but it just so happens to be time for me to get ready. but you can expect the second half on a later day... that just so happens to be my birthday. 

have a great day!

a little hole in my heart...

this week has been the first week for me to work at st. george's without michael. he is not attending this week of summer camp, so it has been a preview for me as to what it may be like without him next year. 

and it has been dreadfully boring. i have been bored. felt unfulfilled. and at times lonely. i knew he made my life special, i guess i just didn't realize just how much. thankfully for the next three weeks he will be at camp. 

it really is amazing just how big of an impact a 7 year old has had on me. he has made my life great.

but... today at camp we had a lady come and show her animals to the children. of course, being the animal lover that i am, i was quite excited to see them as well. she let the children pet them and hold some of the animals. i even decided to be brave enough to pet a tarantula. it was surprisingly soft, as odd as that may sound... 

so yes. that is all friends. 

not for the faint at heart

after living brown recluse free since october, this morning i met my sworn enemy.

i decided after a restless night sleep, what would be better than a nice shower to wake me. got in, washing my hair (la la te da) and then i glance over to the shower curtain and (dun dun dun) there is a vicious little creature staring right at me! my sworn enemy, you guessed it! the brown recluse. he stared me down with his fangs ready to attack! i screamed in horror feeling trapped inside the shower with the deadly spider. thinking fast, with shampoo dripping off my wet head, i bolted out of the shower, grabbed a towel of course, and ran to the kitchen. i grabbed my weapon of choice: lysol. i ran back to the chamber of death and sprayed my nemesis (die die DIE!). as he shriveled up in shock, i very hesitantly folded him in his coffin of tissue paper. i wanted to make sure he was dead, so i carefully opened the coffin and he wiggled about! (scream!) closed the coffin and smashed it with my fist. alas, he was dead. 

nothing quite wakes you up in the morning like finding a deadly spider in the shower with you. 

unfortunately in my short little life span, this would be the second time this has happened to me. i found one crawling on my towel as it was wrapped around me once. and even got bit by one. we definitely do not get along. and if there are any more, beware little spiders, you will die! (evil laugh!)

hope my horror story entertained you. 

random late night thoughts...

i cannot sleep.

i hate when i am trying to sleep and my mind is racing about 100 mph. over the past week, i have enjoyed a nice relaxing week off. i guess it is only natural that everything would creep back into place at about 1 am. 

what am i thinking about you ask? all of a sudden i pictured myself at the wedding i have coming up. i was thinking about the possible lighting situations, places i should be shooting from, where i need my assistant to be, the flash situation, trying not to be distracting... you get the picture. i am not worried about the wedding. i am just a perfectionist. i want everything to be beyond perfect. 

but moving along...

today i had to refer to my job as michael's assistant as being in the past. and i could have cried right then and there to a complete stranger. i was michael's assistant. and now, i am an assistant teacher. after a week of not seeing michael, i can tell you i am having michael withdraws. seriously. he's quite an amazing kid. 

also, bye bye hair. today i got it cut. so, i won't be getting the old remark, "your hair is getting long" (by the way, thanks for stating the obvious fact that hair grows, my friends. kiss your brains!). i am sure i will get some disappointed looks with fake smiles. ha. but, i don't care. it is cool and cute... like me-- not! ha. 

and. we got wii fit. who knew working out could be so much fun?! 

hmm. betcha didn't care to know all of that did you? 

ok. goodnight.