mememe

i post bulletins. i update my status. i leave certain things in my newsfeed on facebook. i post links to my photography.

seems kinda self-centered.

i read all these bulletins about my friends. i read their status updates. i read the information in some of my friends newsfeeds. i look at their links.

what is it about sharing so much information about ourselves? are we really that interested in ourselves? do we really think people are that interested in knowing that much about us?

i am quite perplexed about this.

i, for one, have quite a low self esteem. does this mean i am wanting people to be interested in me? and those that are confident, are they self centered? or just faking confidence and really just insecure? or do we just like sharing information out of boredom or because someone else did?

maybe it all does come down to trying to prove we are secure in an utterly insecure world.

still perplexed.

thankful.

i feel like i am standing on the brink of a new me. and i kinda like that.

i have also realized my best friend is also my husband.

i am also realizing that i will be 22 in about 7 months. i know it is far off but is also too close. i don't want to be 22. if i could skip this age i would. i will be waiting for 23. which seems to be better than 22. at least for me.

i really feel like taking pictures today. and i cannot wait to decorate for christmas.

i am thankful for: my best friend. sophia and her joyful nature. fall. and photography. creative minds. beauty. chocolate milk. my many thoughts. my family. God. new york city. scarfs. warm sweaters. cookies. change. penguins. the stars and how small they make me feel. the wind in my hair. crunchy leafs. pink lemonade. and life. and much much more.

that is all.

Change.

I never thought moving an hour away from home would have such an affect on something so dear to me. 42.8 miles. About 51 minutes. That is all. Nothing too unreasonable. Just a little drive. And only a phone call or message away.

I am realizing though, that maybe what I held so dear was not valued the same way. Maybe not now, and maybe never. Maybe I fooled myself into believing it mattered. I feel so broken hearted.

My mind is wandering, skimming through the past looking for something that may have caused this. I have found nothing.

It is hard. I feel like I am a good friend. But now, as I stand here alone, without the one person I considered my best, I am left to wonder if I am.

I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped out.

on the bright side, I still have little Sophia and chocolate milk, which has comforted me many of times.

nashville

i have been in nashville for exactly one week today.

already, within one week, i have had some serious realizations.

1.) dogs find the darnest things to eat. some that are very deadly.

2.) the vet clinic down the road is aweful.

3.) what you hope to happen and what will most likely happen are two completely different things.

4.) distance sometimes is make or break.

4a.) in this case, i am afraid it will be break.

5.) and that. well, that is something hard to realize.

pumpkins=smiles

this past week: emotional times like 100.

right now: i want some pumpkins and mums.

i like fall. a lot. and i like to decorate accordingly. i really want to go to a pumpkin patch and find the perfect pumpkin and then some.

moving a week from today. whoa.

scared? i believe so.

that is all.