thankful.

i feel like i am standing on the brink of a new me. and i kinda like that.

i have also realized my best friend is also my husband.

i am also realizing that i will be 22 in about 7 months. i know it is far off but is also too close. i don't want to be 22. if i could skip this age i would. i will be waiting for 23. which seems to be better than 22. at least for me.

i really feel like taking pictures today. and i cannot wait to decorate for christmas.

i am thankful for: my best friend. sophia and her joyful nature. fall. and photography. creative minds. beauty. chocolate milk. my many thoughts. my family. God. new york city. scarfs. warm sweaters. cookies. change. penguins. the stars and how small they make me feel. the wind in my hair. crunchy leafs. pink lemonade. and life. and much much more.

that is all.

Change.

I never thought moving an hour away from home would have such an affect on something so dear to me. 42.8 miles. About 51 minutes. That is all. Nothing too unreasonable. Just a little drive. And only a phone call or message away.

I am realizing though, that maybe what I held so dear was not valued the same way. Maybe not now, and maybe never. Maybe I fooled myself into believing it mattered. I feel so broken hearted.

My mind is wandering, skimming through the past looking for something that may have caused this. I have found nothing.

It is hard. I feel like I am a good friend. But now, as I stand here alone, without the one person I considered my best, I am left to wonder if I am.

I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped out.

on the bright side, I still have little Sophia and chocolate milk, which has comforted me many of times.

nashville

i have been in nashville for exactly one week today.

already, within one week, i have had some serious realizations.

1.) dogs find the darnest things to eat. some that are very deadly.

2.) the vet clinic down the road is aweful.

3.) what you hope to happen and what will most likely happen are two completely different things.

4.) distance sometimes is make or break.

4a.) in this case, i am afraid it will be break.

5.) and that. well, that is something hard to realize.

pumpkins=smiles

this past week: emotional times like 100.

right now: i want some pumpkins and mums.

i like fall. a lot. and i like to decorate accordingly. i really want to go to a pumpkin patch and find the perfect pumpkin and then some.

moving a week from today. whoa.

scared? i believe so.

that is all.

from half full to half empty in 2.5 seconds...

the chronicles of a girl.

life for me has been lonely lately. not to be all emo and what not, but it has. being 21 and married can be utterly lonely.

i love my job. this is a first in a long time. i feel like for the past year i have been on a never-ending search for a job that i enjoy. it was a vicious cycle really. i would get a new job, enjoy it for like 2 weeks and then be miserable. and when 8 hours of your day is miserable, life is pretty miserable too. i said, 'life is too short to be miserable', so i would start my search yet again for a new job. and 6 jobs (no joke) later, i find myself at one that i don't want to let go of. finally light at the end of the tunnel. and suddenly life is pretty great.

however, there is always something, isn't there? of course. this is life. well, this is my life. and... i don't know what it is. i can never seem to fully come up. i can never see cleary that the class is indeed half full. something inside is screaming 'no, no, NO! it is most definitely half empty, just take a look around'. and then it starts. again. sad. check. insecure. check. worried. check. stressed. check. lonely. check. you get the picture.

so what can i do to shake this? i don't know. maybe tomorrow the glass will be half full.